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Love Knots for everyone…

Love Knot Meaning

John asks…

I Love You, But Not Your Family! What Can I Do?

My boyfriend and I are planning on marriage in the near future.

His mom had him when she was 16, and married his dad when he was 17. They divorced when my bf was 7. His mother doesn’t help him! She truly just doesn’t care about him! He’s 18 and just graduated high school, and she refused to pay for college. Even community college! He had to take out a loan (4,000 with 16% interest) to pay for one semester of community college, and then had to drop out to pay off the loan. He lives at home, and now she’s making him pay rent. He says it wasn’t her idea. His stepfather apparently thinks “when you turn 18, you’re on your own, kid.”
His stepfather yells at him for eating food, but my bf has a full time job, trying to make a living right now. But you can’t make a good living without a college education! He also has a sister who’s screwed for life too.
He says that I’m the only one who’s ever cared for him so deeply. But I’m scared b/c his family that won’t help at all! I really love him.
I want to marry him, but it’s his family that I don’t know I can take on. They really don’t care at all about him and what he does.

He’s a really good person. And they don’t deserve him, but when we’re married and we run into financial problems, we can’t lean on them at all! We can’t turn to them for help! What can I do? I love him, but not his family.

LoveKnots answers:

Stop….. Your not ready for marriage any more than he is or his mother was ready to have a baby or get married. You don’t go into marriage thinking we won’t be able to turn to them when we need financial help. Your boyfriend knew they were not going to come through for college, they may not have said it but he knew he’s lived with these folks he know whats important to them and it isn’t him. What he needs now is classes at night or if he works nights classes in the day. You get out of life what you put in it. You want a better paying job, you work one and go to school or into training for the other. You want to be independant you live in a cheaper apt, you don’t buy 10 new CD’s at payday. You don’t do starbucks in the morning, a cup of regular coffee at the job works just fine, You don’t have to go out and eat at lunch, there are to many things you can throw in and nuke. You budget yourself and if you aren’t financially stable enough (both of you) you wait to say I do. If you really want this relationship to work your doing the same going to collage and working at least part time socking away every penny you can. BIG piece of information here. Each one in their OWN accounts. If something were to happen not saying it will, you don’t want an account tied up in the other persons name.You also make sure your protected, that means the pill and a condom. Pills fail because of different medications, condoms leak and tear. You work and save, then when it does come the time to tie the knot, be frugal. You don’t need a $1500,00 gown, a sit down rehearshal dinner and reception. It don’t have to be in the biggest church and you don’t need 6 maids of honor and 6 groomsmen. A maid or matron of honor and a best man and 20 other close friends and family are more than enough to witness your vows. The reception can be cold cuts and BYOB with you providing the sodas and mixers. The music can be played by a friend being the DJ. The parents if they are going to help you and pay for it would be better spending the difference on the two of you instead of a huge wedding. Give you a money toward a down payment on a house. But put the money into the bank so it can be making some money say a Certificate of Deposit one you can’t touch for at least a couple years maybe even five. Now you have a goal to work for. A wedding is not an excuse to spend money, if you knew the stats on divorce and the numbers of couples with big weddings and couples with smaller weddings the divorce rate is still over 50 % for both. You two need to talk and talk and talk, and plan and plan, you need a blue print to build a house, don’t you think you at least need a plan for a marriage? Good luck.

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